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u/DlVlDED_BY_ZERO 5h ago
My son cries because he can't fly. This happens at least twice a week. He'll jump and say "oh no, I still can't fly!" Then that's what he cries about for the rest of the day. Lol
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u/vividcarbon 5h ago
When I was a kid I had such vivid dreams of flying that I told my mom I could fly and tried to show her by flapping my arms. I later realized I’m jus an idiot
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u/InfiniteBlueberry267 5h ago
The transition from dream logic to cold, hard gravity is a brutal childhood realization.
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u/StoppableHulk 2h ago
That's why I never left and chose to simply go insane.
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u/rixtape 5h ago
I still have very vivid dreams of discovering that I can fly if I flap my arms hard enough and jump just right. It's always disappointing to wake up and realize it was just a dream again lol
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u/hypo-osmotic 4h ago
My recurring vivid flying dream is that I can just decide to not land after I’ve jumped
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD_PET 3h ago
Want to trade? Mine are more that I want to land but can't, and also I still have my fear of heights
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u/clarabear10123 29m ago
I have dreams that I can float down stairs and do other little hovering things. As a kid, it was really hard to wake up and go down the stairs like a boring normal person
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u/elizabnthe 3h ago
I have dreams where I have telekinesis and I can just reach out and pull my glasses to me in bed then fumbling around for them. And then you wake up and remember that no I can't do that.
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u/Herrena1 4h ago
I still have dreams where I can fly. They are my favourite. I don't even need to flap my arms there, it seems magic based. These are always the hardest dreams to wake up from
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u/natalila 3h ago
Do you also just have to spread your arms and lean forward in the right way?
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u/Mysterious-Income255 3h ago
I have flying dreams and don't lean forward or spread my arms, I just sort of go
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u/Latter_Shine 3h ago
My flight dreams don’t have flapping either but I do have to keep running to stay in the air, weird.
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u/MortgageConfident791 3h ago
I had a recurring dream of jumping off of the top of our stairs and flying down. My sister did too. We often fought over who had it first 😂
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u/Ordo_Liberal 3h ago
You too?
I had a VERY livid dream of my floating around in my bedroom kinda like when you swim underwater in a pool.
And I spent weeks trying to replicate the achievement when I was 6
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u/PatienceEffective248 2h ago
I told my dad once that I wanted to grow up to be a bird. He just looked at me with disappointment.
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u/BargerianJade 2h ago
I'm a grown ass adult and wale up at least once a month convinced for half a second that I can fly by kicking off the ground and using my arms like I'm in water. It's always a terribly disappointing come down.
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u/TallEnoughJones 1h ago
Of course you can't fly starting on the ground. You have to start on the roof.
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u/mangokittykisses 5h ago
Plot twist… he’s 30
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u/DlVlDED_BY_ZERO 4h ago
Noooo he's still in pre-k XD but some days, he thinks he's 30.
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u/miss_wannadie 4h ago
I feel that. Even as an adult I have these moments. I won't actually cry, but every now and then I get incredibly frustrated about my physical limitations. WHY can't I fly? WHY can't I have cool horns? WHY CAN'T I BREATHE FIRE??? And so on. It's funny in hindsight but for a few minutes I can get so serious about it lol
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u/DlVlDED_BY_ZERO 3h ago
Do you just need a snack or a nap when it happens? In my experience, it helps to get over that feeling haha
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u/keversnl 3h ago
In the Netherlands we have a beautiful children's book about a frog that wants to fly, and gets sad he can't. He tries etc. Eventually, he learns that he is beautiful because he is frog with his own unique qualities. It's called Frog is frog in English.
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u/defenselaywer 4h ago
The teenage years are tough that way, but he should get over it as he hits 20.
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u/Flat-Veterinarian343 3h ago
Take him skiing if you are close and able to. I realized it is the closest feeling to flying in my dreams.
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u/dabadu9191 2h ago
At least your son dares to dream. I always wanted to be able to fly as a kid, but I never thought it would really happen to me.
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u/ThatUsernameWasTaken 2h ago
I learned to fly over the course of several dreams spanning years of real life.
At first I had falling dreams, where I'd be walking along a cliffside and stumble over the edge, and the fall would go on for what seemed like an eternity, and I'd wake up right before I hit the ground.
Then I started having dreams where I could jump really high, but then gravity would take over and I'd come crashing down; there were other kids in those dreams, learning with me who could jump and land just fine.
Finally I started having dreams where I learned to actually fly, to look up, feel that tingle of weightlessness climb up my spine, to feel the Earth release me as I fall into the sky.
Now when I dream I can almost always fly, but it is treated as a mundane fact of life. Like, if someone needed to grab a frisbee of a roof, they'd just ask if I could fly up and grab it in the same tone you might ask someone passing the refrigerator to grab you a soda.
I still love that sensation of weightlessness though, and frankly... I get it, kid. I'm sad I still can't fly too.
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u/Celtslap 5h ago
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u/atom22mota 3h ago
^ this is a bot account
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u/Gubzs 4h ago
Nope I totally understand this. The kid is having a bit of an existential crisis, reality is too cruel to allow for things as whimsical as someone having marker fingers. In her head, that sounds silly, in the real world, consequences introduce themselves immediately. I get it.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Mud_213 4h ago
Hell yeah, I came in to say something like this. First realizing that something might happen to you that you can't control or help that would mean you hurt the world around you, even if you try not to. It's kid-brain just beginning to touch on the idea of an indifferent universe.
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u/Windsor2016 4h ago
The story of the fingers that turn anything they touch into gold... including their loved ones.
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u/King-of-theBees 3h ago
King Midas. Anyone else read The Chocolate Touch for school? Genuinely stressed me out 😂
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u/jpterodactyl 35m ago
Yes, and had the same stress. I knew it couldn’t happen, but I was stressed anyway.
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u/auiotour 3h ago
I say this about my 7 year old, says if mama and you didn't meet I would never have been born. Then they get super sad and then wants cuddles for a few hours. I take what I can get these days.
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u/Lazuli73 2h ago
It’s also demonstrating that she understands hypotheticals, but being a 4 year old is struggling to communicate her thoughts and emotions. As a 4 year old children tend to do. There are whole adults that don’t understand hypothetical concepts or thought experiments. Sure, as a parent, dealing with a child being irrational about market fingers is exhausting and you just want to logic your way out of it. But calling a child dumb for trying to communicate they are learning to understand hypotheticals with their limited experience and knowledge? Maybe she’s a lot smarter than you appreciate.
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u/FuriKMJ 53m ago
My family is superstitious and we sorta believe in the idea of reincarnation. When I was a child, I used to be really terrified by the idea of being possibly reincarnated as a cellular organism with no thoughts or feelings whatsoever. Also, learning just how big our universe is drove me to tears as well, and kid me had no idea how to explain it to my grandmother who was concerned what was going on with me at the time. Yeah, existential stuff can be a bit much for our tiny brains.
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u/Dendrowen 5h ago
"If my aunt had a dick she'd be my uncle" - Max Verstappen.
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u/ButtsAreQuiteAwesome 4h ago
And if she had wheels?
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u/LawfullyGoodOverlord 4h ago
Is there.. context? Like any?
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u/Dendrowen 3h ago
I don't know the exact moment, but he (Max Verstappen, F1 driver) was asked a question by the press. It was something like: "What if your pitstop didn't go wrong, do you think you could've won?" And he replied with this answer. It is a Dutch expression that states it doesn't matter 'what if' because it wasn't.
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u/PioneerLaserVision 2h ago
It's an old expression used to dismiss hypotheticals in a conversation.
Example:
"If you'd have worked harder, you probably would have gotten the promotion."
"Well if my aunt had a penis she'd be my uncle."
There's a SFW version where you replace penis with mustache. They don't really hold up as well now that mainstream society is aware of the existence of trans people.
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u/WildPickle9 1h ago
I've always heard "if a frog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it jumps".
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u/themiDdlest 1h ago
He's not asking what the saying means. He's asking the context that made Max say this.
A race losing pit stop
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u/No-Guard-1946 4h ago
Hey a 4 year old that’s concerned about ruining the sofa is a good kid to me
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u/Frozen_Ash 5h ago
What's wrong tutu?
You named me after CLOTHES!
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u/TheSubstitutePanda 4h ago
I mean, it's probably a nickname
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u/dva_silk 3h ago
Everyone in my family calls me moolie or mimi, and neither are anything close to my name.
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u/facw00 4h ago
I'm hoping tutu here is just a silly nickname... hoping...
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u/nathatesithere 4h ago
I'm not sure about tutu but many latinos use "tata" as a nickname for sisters/sometimes older sisters specifically.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD_PET 3h ago
It probably is. I mean, my niece is nicknamed Waschbär (raccoon) because she's feral but loves washing her hands
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u/CatGirlIsHere9999 4h ago
This is literally adult me with anxiety
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u/babyqueso 3h ago
This is such a high thought. Like I would think this thought and become increasingly distressed over it if I were high. Relatable
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u/Hattix 4h ago
I had one of these with the son when he was about three. He was really upset when I put his favourite food (hotdogs) in front of him.
"What's up, boy?"
"If I didn't like hotdogs I wouldn't like hotdogs and I love hotdogs"
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u/hopping_otter_ears 1h ago
I wish my kid made up fanciful imaginary scenarios to get upset over. Mine went through a round of preemptive grieving when he realized our old dog would die some day. So we talked over how we'd take him to the vet when his body stopped working too much to live without pain or if he got too sick, and the vet would give him medicine that would make him sleep forever, and then his body would go to where all the other dogs in the vets office go after they die (oh, good! He'll have other dogs to play with in dog heaven!), and how we'd get another dog, but not right away, because we need to take some time to feel the sadness first (but I don't want to feel sad!). But right now there's no reason to think he'll die soon. He's old, but he's healthy and he's not hurting. It's ok to spend some time sad over knowing something will happen someday, but there's no point in just spending lots of time being sad over things that haven't happened yet. There's time for that whenever he gets sick. For now, maybe you should just enjoy playing with him while he's happy and well (I'm gonna go pet him!).
The dog is still alive a year later. But he's 12, which is pretty danged old for a big dog.
I think my son may have been actually having a round of "I just realized that everybody I love will die someday" but the dog was the only loved one he was willing to put into words because "mommy and Daddy might die" is too big and scary to think about very hard
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u/No-Air-6123 4h ago
My memorable conversation with my child:
Me: "Sweetie, did you draw this big red heart on the wall with mommy's lipstick?"
My 4 y.o. daughter, Mary (arms straight at her sides, fists balled up): "Nooooooo!"
Me: "Mary, you're being quite contrary"
Mary: "I"M NOT CONTRARY!"
Dear readers, Mary is 21 years old now and a Junior in college and will still yell "Noooo!" if you call her contrary. I wish I was kidding...
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u/BlueSkyla 3h ago
Oh, I love that I would’ve totally done the same thing. I love play on words. Especially with my children.
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u/InsultedNevertheless 5h ago edited 9m ago
Now that I'm older and wiser, I'd say 'angel, if you find your fingers are like markers, the wall is your canvas (I can repaint that) and you can practice your heart out....'
I didn't say that the first time. I should've though🫣🤗
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u/Ocean_Spice 4h ago
I truly don’t know how parents have the patience for this
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u/Data__Transfer 1h ago
It’s funny as fuck a lot of the time and its all your fault when they’re your own kids so you can either be mad/crazy/stressed all the time or embrace a bit of chaos while you try to craft this being into a human. Don’t get me wrong, ton of work, I didn’t comprehend how much gross stuff I’d have to pick up/be handed with my bare hands.
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u/snicoleon 4h ago
She wishes her fingers could be markers and believes it's only because the sofa would be ruined that she cannot have this wish
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u/Jail_Chris_Brown 3h ago
No. She thought of a reality where she was born with marker-fingers and just realized how horrible that would be as she'd ruin the couch with a mere touch. She can picture how tormented she'd feel but can't seperate that from reality, making her feel miserable for real.
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u/DaddyHakuVR 2h ago
"If your fingers were markers we'd just have to find or make the right size caps so the sofa is safe and your fingers wouldn't dry out!" Protect that beautiful whimsey. The world desperately needs more of it.
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u/LegendOfKhaos 4h ago
Narrowly escaped that fate with a 50/50 chance. Either they are markers or they aren't.
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u/AdmirableGarden6 4h ago
Hahaha
My BFFs daughter (6yo) was crying last night because she doesn't think she would do well in an ice skating competition.
She has ice skated twice in her life and is in no such competition
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This automod reply has been triggered due to a keyword in your comment. As a reminder this is a satire subreddit for the dumb/silly things children do. The subreddit name is not literal. Although posts can have kids doing actual "stupid" things. It is not a requirement. It only needs to be dumb or silly. Yes, blaming the parent is valid. However, this does not mean crossing the line into actually insulting the parent is ok (assuming they are the OP) (Rule #1).
We did try to have this information stickied as a comment when a post was created. However, reddit thinks its a good idea to autocollapse automod comments. So we've had to resort to a keyword reply.
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u/asteroid_9 3h ago
It sounds like the kind of thing my wife would say, 'I had a dream you cheated', 'ok, well I didn't, it was just a dream'. 'WELL IT WAS REAL TO ME', ok then.
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u/AnxiousTerminator 2h ago
When me and my mate were like 15 she got a proper cob on with me because she had a dream I shagged her gross boyfriend. I wouldn't go near him with a bargepole even if he were single but she was in a real mood with me for ages...
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u/therealnotrealtaako 3h ago
This is like when I was a kid and got really freaked out about how picturing things in your imagination works.
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u/Shadourow 3h ago
That sure is a child that would know how she felt if she didn't eat a breakfast that morning
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u/ImpactSmooth299 3h ago
My twelve year old to her fourteen year old brother
12yo: you should have gone back to moms stomach, become a kidney stone. At least you would have been useful.
I had to pull the car over with how hard I was laughing. 🤣
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u/Underscore_Weasel 2h ago
I’m 40 weeks pregnant and this is where I’m at emotionally too. I get it, Tutu.
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u/Sea_Pomegranate8229 2h ago
Actually witnessed an 8 year old. Pulled the wishbone at dinner. Maybe an hour laer is crying in her room. Mother asks her what the problem is. She had wished to be a princess.
Mum "But you will be"
Her "I meant right now!"
Same child [now 9] at Disneyworld. Some anonymous [to me] wicked queen passes on a float.
Her [utterly astonished] "I thought she was dead!"
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u/throwawayRA87654 2h ago
I remember being like 7 years old and having an existential crisis about how we all lived on a small rock flying through space. I think I watched Magic School Bus or something.
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u/deanhutchinson 2h ago
This brings up a memory of myself when I was younger
I used to ride bikes a lot more than I do now, and as all kids tend to do, never wore a helmet because It was uncomfortable.
So my dad talks to me about it one day, "Son, you need to wear a helmet when you are out riding, if you get hurt or hit your head after a crash, you could turn into a vegetable."
I took the word "vegetable" far too literally and thought i'd ACTUALLY turn into like, a carrot or something and freaked out 😂
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u/frontlineninja 2h ago
The proper response here is to just say "If your fingers were markers we'd get you gloves with marker caps for fingers"
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u/Expensive_Doctor_847 1h ago
Awww...kiss her on the forehead and tell her everything is all right♥️♥️♥️
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u/Hubba_Hubba08 1h ago
I use to obsessively count my fingers because I was sure they would spontaneously fall off after I met someone with a missing finger.
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u/No-Acanthaceae6633 1h ago
"Yes you are very smart to know this but I know you wouldn't because you are smart and I love you"
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u/Joelin8r 40m ago
If her fingers were markers, they would have caps! She could put the caps on to avoid ruining the couch!
That's the solution here!
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u/BigMadMountain 4h ago
Well technically, they are markers. You just need to cut them a little in the end.
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u/topredditbot 2h ago
Hey /u/Key_Associate7476,
You did it! Your post is officially the #1 post on Reddit. It is now forever immortalized at /r/topofreddit.
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u/SmolHumanBean8 5h ago
Peak child